New Year, New You, New Bike?

As the festive period subsides and the threat of gout with it, it’s time to reflect, eat vegetables, and think about organising your life for the New Year. But first off, you’re going to have to purge some of the unnecessary consumer goods which ended up under your tree.

The most useless thing anyone has ever bought me for Christmas is a spaghetti portion measurer. I know how much spaghetti I need, it comes portioned for two. If you’re alone, use half (or a little more if peckish).

But what if I was the kind of person who really wanted a spaghetti measurer for Christmas, and all I got was a bike?

Well, for a start, my go-to moves are probably out. Even I couldn’t get away with re-gifting an adult bike to my 3 year old niece without raising both eyebrows and suspicions (she didn’t know what to do with the spaghetti measurer either). Awkward questions would also be asked if you employed my backup plan – claim to have misplaced it, whilst slyly giving it to charity.

No, a bike is one unwanted gift that you’re just going to have to come to grips with. So, to give you that inspiration you’ve been lacking, here are my top 5 reasons for riding your new whip round town.

1. It’s quick – you really don’t have to go wild, or be Chris Hoy, for this to be the fastest way around town. I once got off a train in Denmark Hill, realised I’d left most of my worldly possessions on board so cycled into Victoria station arriving in time to see my train pull in and reclaim my luggage before it entered the bottomless pit of National Rail lost luggage.

2. You now have somewhere to put your Orb – A friend of a friend recommended you this rad new bike light and bottle for side-visibility, and obviously you appreciated the on point design, but now you get to appreciate the function too. Man, life is good.

3. Mental Health – The reason I stayed sane through most of my various office jobs was my commute. Taking 20 minutes and some exercise to clear your head before work and whilst going home can really sort your head out and help separate work and home life.

4. Physical Health – cycle hard, and soon you also won’t need that spaghetti measurer. Give it to your local charity shop where someone who doesn’t have a bike can buy it.

5. Smugness – listen dispassionately whilst your friends discuss which bus to get home, and whether it’ll still be running at this time of night. They’ll be sitting in traffic and chicken bones as you cruise effortlessly past.